Perfect timing
Life has been happening to me for the last 3 years. I needed that. After years of me not quite making it happen, I needed it to happen to me. To get up every weekday at 5.30am, don my bright reflective vest, pack my lunch, clock in, inspect my vehicle, load my truck, cruise the peninsula, greet framers, drop lumber loads. On and on. It has been deeply comforting not to think about my next gig, not to entertain options to my daily schedule, not to obsess about making money. And then there has been the gratifying sense that I have finally mastered something. True, this is not a life changing skill like performing heart transplants, but nevertheless it feels good and I want it noted. I can honestly say that I am an amazing rear-mounted-forklift operator. I can drive a 20-foot beam along a 10-foot wide drive and dance my forklift through parallel trees without ever touching. I can back into Bainbridge driveways that are 3-inches wider than my 40ft. truck and not leave tread marks on the lawn. Awesome, right?
So when I walked into the lumber yard director's office last Friday and quietly let him know I am resigning as of next month, he too was surprised. I had recently received a significant raise so that couldn't be the reason. Being a perceptive man, he knew I was always more of an interloper than a lifer. His surprise was at the timing but not at my decision. “Well, appreciate you staying on to train someone, and if it doesn’t work out out there, we can probably find you a position at one of the branches” he said generously.
I always knew timing would be a surprise. Planned to be out of the truck last winter, nope, then spring, nah, then summer. Well here we are and I am getting up on the morrow at 5.30 as usual. I promised myself that when enough coaching clients signed up I would make the switch. That when the tiny house was built and rented I would make the move. That when the international coaching certification came through I would be gone. And each time I ticked off the next box, another one popped up, invisible ink revealed. Isn't there an archery saying that you cannot hit the target with both eyes open? I was trying to have every risk covered, both eyes wide open, safe as can be before striding out. But at some point, doubts, distractions and fear stokers need to be silenced. In that quiet, there is a knowing, close one eye, maybe even both, and release that arrow into her immaculate trajectory.
I walked out of the office light as a feather. The spring back in my step. I was not overjoyed to leave the job that has been good to me in so many ways. I was overjoyed to be dipping my quill in the inkpot again. Change ahoy! Feasting on the idea that life is no longer happening to me. That “..I am master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul” (remember Henley's Invictus?)
Toning it down a little, as 'captain of my soul' I'll still need to take out life insurance, drive the kids to Taekwando and feed the chickens. But nevertheless, I am excited about change, about my new story, unfolding side by side with yours.
One final thought this week, also fairly grand but useful for me right now. Even with those class forklift skills, I serve myself and others better coaching and counseling. Yes, it's true that self guided change requires a mighty leap of faith, but I trust mama serendipity. She always confirms without a doubt that the timing is perfect, has always been perfect, and it is now.
